Stephen (Read as stˈefən), a former second-string linebacker for the Detroit Lions, grew up a middle child of seven in rural Canada. He spent most of his young life wearing gloves and a jacket because it’s Canada and Canada’s only job in life is to combat how warm it’s getting everywhere else in the world by being colder than the pole Flick licks in A Christmas Story, but I digress. Stephen was more of a lonely child, at times feeling like he really didn’t have siblings after all. His siblings never seemed to understand him and he took quickly to little hobbies to fill his time. At the age of 4, he built his own whiskey still and began tinkering with cinnamon flavorings. He shortly after sold his secret formula to the Sazerac Company, who marketed the product as Fireball Whiskey. His early success gave him the courage to leave the nest earlier than most and venture off to write his own life story. At the ripe age of seven and three quarters (Yes, and three quarters. Everyone knows that your age is broken into quarters until you’re at least 12.), Stephen happened upon a boarding school in the woods and he immediately felt at home. In fact he felt so at home, that he stayed far past his expected graduation date and was actually awarded 3 High School diplomas. They are all exactly the same and he was fine with just one, but I don’t know anyone else that can boast 3 of the same diplomas from the same school, so it’s cool. In fact, the repetitious coursework by his third go at it, gave him plenty of time to explore new hobbies.

By Year 6, Stephen had memorized the entire curriculum and stopped going to class all but entirely, except to substitute for his instructors when they were out. So during the school day he would wander about the facilities tinkering with whatever he found. On one wispy fall afternoon, he stumbled upon the theater and began learning about stage lighting and sound.  

He had never felt such a draw before, investing countless hours consumed by detail and design. It was just a short time later that he asked to be a part of the crew who aided in the school productions. Unsure of why Stephen was still an enrolled student, the director of the theater department obliged him. Stephen quickly became Robin to his Batman, Chewey to his Han, and other examples of dynamic duos that we use to insinuate irreproachable comradery. Stephen made haste to become the Tony Stark of his boarding school in the woods. The support of his director and the admiration he received from his classmates, fueled his passion for light and sound. He went on to become the set designer and acoustics coordinator for every major production and knew he had found his calling in life.

By the time he had reached 17, he was ready to move on. He packed his knapsack from years prior and was on the road again. Traveling a little heavier this time due to the three framed diplomas, he made his way to his home today, Chicago.

Upon reaching The Windy City, Stephen was blown away (Ha!) by its beauty, culture, and superior professional sports teams. Especially the Bears, who he felt were way better than the Packers. In fact, to this day, he frequently reaffirms this belief by traveling up to Wisconsin just to console all the Packer fans on their poor choices.

While returning from one of his many pilgrimages to Wisconsin, Stephen decided that it was time to further his education and go to college. He applied to the South Hampshire Institute of Technology where he matriculated into the 2015 class of Pangean Literature Theory. He quickly became bored of this after learning that no humans lived during the time of Pangea and thus there was no literature to study. In fact, most of his classes involved no academics at all. One week they learned advanced origami because one of his classmates saw a cute internet video of a cat playing with an origami swan.

A short time into his first semester Stephen met and befriended Ramzi. Little did he know this would be a terrible event and he should have ran wildly in the opposite direction. One night, some time down the road, the two had found themselves discussing goals and aspirations and the idiotic idea of starting a company surfaced. At first they brushed it off but then returned to the idea thinking “why not?”, and it was that innocent question that led to the creation of Digital Rendition.

As advised by our legal department, we can neither confirm nor deny any of the claims made in the fictitious writings proceeding this note. It is based on true events but in the interest of privacy and entertainment, the names, places, and events have been changed. At this point, all that we can confirm is that the writer of this piece should be commended for his talents. He is a gentleman and a scholar.